Big Oil, meet Bain Capital. Just when you thought you had the won the war on the middle class and the environment, this upstart private equity firm unseats you from your self-proclaimed pedastal of Machiavellian backroom fatcat machinations.
Big Oil, is this amateur hour?! Bain Capital is serious about wrecking the middle class and forcing people out of work. You guys, though--what with your high-paying blue-collar jobs and quest for energy independence--are frankly giving a tad too much more than you take these days.
And the public has noticed. Come on . . . if you're serious about being the arch-villain of the socio-political landscape, you need to step it up a little. Ties between the White House, Halliburton, and the House of Saud?! Puh-LEASE. That is SO 2002.
This is a full decade later, Big Oil. We've advanced. We're a post-Great-Recession society, and we've read Michael Lewis. And, frankly, fracking is just too understandable and passe to really arouse any public interest. We've got Main Street vs. Wall Street on our minds, not Main Street vs. Permian Basin divide.
But I've got some steps you can take:
1) Find some old tax returns from 2000-2008 that list Dick Cheney as some sort of director or manager.
2) Announce that you'll maybe close or consolidate a refinery, preferably one in a small town. Better yet--sell it to China. (Even Bain didn't think of that!)
3) Maybe have find some way to drill a dry well, but still turn a profit. I'm sure it can be done.
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