Why Colonel Sartoris?

Allow me to explain the puzzling title. Colonel Sartoris is William Faulkner's greatest character. He exemplifies those values that his society cherishes, namely tradition, patriarchy, courtliness, and courage. Though modernity's slow march tries to strip him of these things, Sartoris continues to live as he always has, knowing that "the past is never dead. It's not even past." He seeks order in the honorable folkways and mores of his forbears. Let us not forget his example.

Thursday, August 22, 2013

Passive-Aggressive Conversations I Wish I Had: Talking to a Supervisor

"Hi.  Got a sec?"

"Always!!!  The only bad questions are those left unasked!"  She gesticulated wildly--at least by 21st century office standards--pointing her finger upwards, reminiscent of the classical orator's pose exemplified by Augustus's statue on the Prima Porta Gate, and flipping her hair sideways. She defiantly warded off the creeping powers of indolence with her enthusiasm and motivational tactics.

"Um, okay.  I have this 1200-page document, and it basically says ..."

"Let's go look at it!"  At the t in Let's, she had already taken two heavy, stiletto-heel-driving stomps toward the querulous document, determined to wrangle it into submission.  She grabbed the mouse and surveyed her quarry.  "Well, so it's actually 1164 pages, and it looks like ..."

"Yeah.  Sorry if those extra 36 pages I claimed to have existed rendered the problem insoluble.  I was using this new mathematical concept called 'rounding,' which is gaining popularity.  At least based on what I've observed anecdotally."