Why Colonel Sartoris?

Allow me to explain the puzzling title. Colonel Sartoris is William Faulkner's greatest character. He exemplifies those values that his society cherishes, namely tradition, patriarchy, courtliness, and courage. Though modernity's slow march tries to strip him of these things, Sartoris continues to live as he always has, knowing that "the past is never dead. It's not even past." He seeks order in the honorable folkways and mores of his forbears. Let us not forget his example.

Tuesday, January 7, 2014

If this broadcasting thing ends suddenly ...

... Big Game Brent could always apply for SEC Commissioner.  He should think about that.  Folksy idioms, laidback style, and incredible boosterism ... he'd be as natur'l as white bucks at an August wedding.

"Goshalmighty, Herbie, is that some sarcasm [wink]!?"  You betcha, Big Game Brent.  It is sarcasm.  But here's some straight shootin', pardner---you should be retired alongside the Dr Pepper trophy.  You, more than any other commentator, have done more to dumb down, over-narrate, maudlinize, and butcher college programs that you personally don't like.  You pick a favorite, you plug him, and then you expect Herbie to pick up the slack from your obsequious rants that purport to be "commentary."  And that favorite is always the team du jour from the Southeastern Conference.

Shame on your "journalism."  Yeah, yeah ... "It sells papers!"  Oh, but wait .... it doesn't, in either the literal or figurative sense.  People like conflict and freshness: you give them neither.  Your tired storylines, your utter predictability, your insincere diction have raised a generation of fans that cannot wait for your retirement.

I didn't play.  I want to know more about the game.  I know what the media consensus is; I don't need it related back to me every three plays in terms that would have made Grantland Rice squirm.  So I don't need mountains made of absurd, molehill-sized ironies about high school colors, nicknames, hometown rivalries, or whatever obscure fact your drift boat of a mind should happen to snag on.

So, Brent, think about that SEC job.  Chase your dream, go home to your first love.  No more pretending that other teams from other conferences might compete, no more missing Vandy-Tenn for having to call that pesky OU-Texas rivalry (although they do have that  mug o' beer and a Fletcher's corny dog!") ... Just total freedom to devote to REAL, folksy, fleet-footed, football.

Senile Eccentric Commentator.  It's got your name on it.

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